i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
