you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
