I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
