next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i think im in europe. pls send help
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
