I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
