Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
