he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
