She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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