ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
