dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
