your thong is hanging out like whoa
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
