I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
