Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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