If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
