Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
