are you so shy because you have an std?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
