Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
