Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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