I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
