i barfeds in our rink
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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