You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize