You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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