I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize