we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
