Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
and she was petting her beer can
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize