how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
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