It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
