She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
