I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
