omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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