dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
