But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
