So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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