You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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