You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The uberlube is also flammable
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
