The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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