ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
