I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Even my vagina gasped.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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