God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
