i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
