wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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