I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize