I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
