hell yes lets make some ravioli
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize