Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
