If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
