just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize