Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
