We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
