remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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