I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
