First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just want to make out with him forever
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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