I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
