she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
