What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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