I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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