WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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