I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
