She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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