I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the condom got lost in my hair
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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