Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Randomize
