I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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