sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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