I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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