im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
