Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
