haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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