My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Randomize