Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
