Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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