I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
