woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
