i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
